In less than a week I turn 30, and have been doing a lot of thinking about what I have done with my life and where I am going. There are a lot of things that I thought would happen before I turned 30. Things like getting married, starting a family, being in a career that uses my college degree, and maybe owning a home. In physical and societal terms such as those, I don’t feel like I’ve accomplished that much. But there are things that I have accomplished, such as moving away from the state I grew up in, learning to take care of myself and make decisions on my own. Having my own convictions and values, and really learning who I am and what makes me tick.
On many occasions, I would plan out certain things in my life, and God would laugh and then promptly change them. Looking back, I see how God changed things that were for the better. Not getting into medical school, living in Wyoming longer so I could learn to grow deeper in relationships. Moving me out to Seattle and getting plugged into a church and community group that has been incredibly supportive.
I’ve learned a lot being single and having the time to develop deep relationships. Some days have been rough, with pain, confusion, and sadness. Even with having a strong desire to be married, I know that I need to be healthier with myself and those around me. Balancing and understanding my needs, yet not being so inwardly focused and having the ability to pour out the love and grace of God on those around me.
Then there are the innumerable mistakes I have made, trying to figure life out. Poor relationship choices, not listening to God, not heeding the advice of wise friends and family. Fortunately, I’ve learned a lot from my mistakes, even though some days I feel like I’ve failed miserably. I ran across this quote the other day from one of my favorite bloggers, Jon Acuff, and it reminded me how my mistakes can be used to minister to other people:
“In God’s hands, your mistakes aren’t open cuts, they are healed scars that tell stories of hope other people need to hear.”
I’m still trying to figure out where I am going, but I know that God will be with me every step of the way. I’m excited to move forward, but scared shitless of not knowing what will happen next. Praying for grace and guidance as I proceed with this crazy adventure called life.